~ Love and Hatred ~

A quote said it takes a minute to haf a crush, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a LIFETIME to forget someone.. Yep! It's true but what if the person hurt you too deeply and made you want to forget him in any possible way?! It did happen when I broke up with my ex-bf 3 years ago. In order to forget him I forced myself to keep recalling and remembering every single bad thing he said or did to me. Even tho it seemed so harsh and cruel but the situation had left me to no choice which I gladly accepted adding to the fact dat I wanted so badly to make him go away from my mind. To no surprise, it really succeeded in some ways. Of course I can't totally erase him from my brain as to accomplish it I may need to loose my sanity but the important thing is how my mind portrays him. I no longer seeing him as the person whom I once loved but the person whom I loathe so much dat I want to kick him in the groin!! Till one point I was not able to remember any good memories wif him and to no regret I like it so much. I know it's no good to haf such a full of hatred towards someone it could haunt you for the rest of your life, but rite now my mind will absolutely backfires any attempt to accept him even as a fren. How am I going to be fren wif someone who cheated on me, called me stupid, said he was staying just because he pitied me during our last few months together, and even said to me I crashed his life?? Urghhh.. it's horrible to even typing these things. But there's one problem to dis, after all those bitter moments, painful break-up process, after-breakup arguments, he still wanna be fren wif me, he wanna stay connected to me just to tell me from time to time dat he misses me and he can't forget me. 3 years had passed and yet my world is still dawdle over him. Whenever I got one or two months quiet from him suddenly he'd send an sms, miscall or call me and it caused quite a disturbance to my life. It kept going like dat until 5 months ago where I totally put a stop to his behavior and managed to get more peaceful life. Today, we chatted thru YM and between a lot of rows we had while chatting he did tell me he has tried not to disturb me by deleting my number, my email and etc. Erm, dat's good and I hope he'll stick to dat. He always confess he still loves me as his first love.. I allow him to have dat kind of feeling towards me becoz I don't have power to make his feeling go away as long as he keeps his distance from me. If you read this Hafiz, I hope you'll note dat in mind.. Dat's all I needed for now and I'm very grateful to haf my heart opened again to Zul who mends everything and made me wanna live happily again and I can easily forget my ex-bf wif only a simple smile from a person who appreciates me.