~ The Recap ~

It has been 1 1/2 months full with activities, events and stories. I think I better summarize them all in one entry rather than separate them by events. Here we go..

Firstly, I attended my own celebration of achievement: my convocation on 11th of September! After 4 years of hard work and fun, I managed to achieve a second class upper degree! Congrats to myself, yeay! It was a memorable moment that I won't forget forever (the downside: it costs me a lot of money to buy souvenirs, photo and etc!) I had the chance to meet all of my frens especially the gud ones (sha, zeti, deana, fiesha, sop, and many mores), I realized how much I missed them to be around me :( I also met PK by a slim chance - he was already in the car to set off and I managed to stop him and snapped a picture with him. Hehe.. we always ym (after we left uum) but never been friends before. I like him, he's nice and cute, even my bf agreed with the compliment.. (PK, jangan perasan sangat yer!).

A week later, I was outstationed in Penang for 4 days and I had fun too.. The hotel I stayed was right in front of Soho, but I'm not a clubbing person, so tak masuk la.. My nite activities with colleagues were shopping, hehe.. (girls will always be girls!) The traveling allowances that I'd get next month will cover the cost of my shopping spree, hopefully it will :P

Right after I came back from Penang I was tired, so I slept early and I forgot to call Zul on his birthday. He was the one who called me at 12.00 am asking me to wish and sing happy birthday to him.. Poor boy.. Sorry honey I didn't mean to forget your special day, I was just so tired.. And to make it worst, I was so busy for the couple of days later and I forgot to send any special sms @ friendster testi to properly wish him happy birthday.. Siannya kat Zul, seb baik dia tak merajuk.. I thought that was the worst thing I did to him but wait a minute, there's more.. Last week he came back to Kedah and he came to see me in SP. We berbuka with thai foods, sedapnya tomyam and sotong goreng tepung (our favorites!). Nak dijadikan cerita, lepas Zul dah hantar me balik and he went back to alor star, I did realize that I didn't give him any birthday card and I even FORGOT (again) to buy one!!! I called him and he said he was waiting the whole time if I would show some signs that I would hand him any card...Ooppss...I am a bad gf (only for this year!). Luckily a month before we had an agreement to exchange birthday presents in November. Kalo tak, ntah2 dengan birthday present pun lupa.. (gotta make a reminder to get the birthday present 2 weeks earlier)

I don't know what had happened to me and somehow I feel guilty towards him. So tomorrow I'm going out to buy a birthday card, hehe.. Dah almost 3 weeks past baru nak bagi card.. Kesian Zul.. I should buy the biggest card to undo my mistake (if only mistakes can be forgiven like this?!!)

Ok, that's what had happened during the past few weeks. I might skip some of the things which are not worth to tell.. I'm gonna make up to what I did to Zul. If I were him, I must be crazily mad.. Sorry honey..

~ Pump Up The Balloon! ~

Zul had shortened his holidays due to his trip to Taman Negara and I'm left unattended since last thursday. We only managed to spend some time doing shoppings together in Penang last sunday. Last night, he called me to inform he got bitten by bees during his jungle trekking, luckily it was 1-2 bees! No worry, he'll be back in one piece!

I weighed myself last night, instead of hoping to loose 4 kilos (I mentioned it in June's entry), I've actually gained another 2 kilos and that makes me 52 kg! Oh my goshhh! I did restrict myself not to eat more than I need and I was actually following a healthy diet by taking fruits as breakfast. Unfortunately, I got gastric early this month and my mom started forcing me to eat as much as I can, since then, eating has become my passion, hehe.. If I could gain 2 kilos in less than 1 month, I wonder how much I'm gonna gain in future?!! Tsskk... Tsskk.. Do call me 'pau' after this, that was what Zul called me 2 years ago when I ballooned myself from 47 kg to 55 kg!

~ Sitting On A Hot Seat ~

One of my chinese colleagues asked me a tough question today. She asked why I'm not wearing tudung while other muslim women do and she expressed her opinion that muslim women look prettier without tudung. Phewwww!! What a tough question to answer because I don't want to make her misunderstood what Islam is. I, myself bukannya baik/alim sangat, so I'm afraid I'd give her the wrong perspective of it. Wanna know what's my answer?! Firstly I told her, it's not about pretty or not, it's what the religion itself requires us to do. Then I said menutup aurat (covering skins and hairs) is compulsory in our religion but I can't comment further because it's my own choice not to wear it so it'll be between me and God. Besides, I also corrected her thinking that menutup aurat is only wearing tudung, so I explained to her about the scenario of wearing tudung with short sleeves shirt and tight shirt are also wrong in the context of Islam, but once again I said it's between the person and God.. If you choose the other way it should be then you have to deal with the sequences later. Then ada la I explained skit2 lagi..Phew!! I'm not ustazah..

~ The Beginning ~

I failed to update more often than I did before, so I guess I shouldn't stop promise to myself. I'm gonna update this blog whenever I feel I like it, let it be weeks, months or years, as long as it's updated from time to time.

I've been working for almost 3 months now and it was quite an experience. I'm not gonna take back what I said in previous entry, working life is still suck but I think I'm starting to get naturally immunned to it (or should I say I'm starting to enjoy it??!!). My ego healed faster than ever, there's no laziness to go to office every morning even though waking up at 8 am is still a tough thing to do, I'm not feeling sleepy for the whole days, I don't have the eagerness to leave office at 5.30 pm.. Are they signs that I'm loving my job?? I guess so, hoyeaah!! As much as I like my job, I still can't prevent any bad day to happen, but who cares! Despite of some miscommunication with 1-2 colleagues, getting nagged by my senior, the 'not-my-dreamed-salary' thoughts, etc, everything is going fine. It's the experiences that count!

~ The Next Phase Of Life ~

It has been a month since the 1st day I started working and what can I comment is, this kind of life is not that easy compared to one I had while I was studying. Campus life is much more enjoyable and interesting because you can schedule your day without compromising any other things. It's not that everyday you have class at 8@9 AM and it does not take 8 hours a day to be in lecture hall. It's much more tiring to use your brain doing your work compared to use them in exams. By the time I left office at 6.30 PM, the first thing comes in my mind is dinner followed by my comfy bed! I cannot imagine how it's going to be after I got married and have children, hmmm it's going to be tough challenge I guess. Now I realize it's really hard to have my own income instead of being sponsored by parents. Besides, in office I am considered the newbie who doesn't know anything because I don't have the so-called 'experience'. After 16 years of getting ahead of everybody, scoring good grades and being amongst the top of the class, always being told that I'm good and smart, my ego has shaken a little bit. I don't mean to sing my own praises, it's just weird to be in this situation. It's really not comfortable when your colleagues keep explaining to you how to use Microsoft Word, Excel, etc despite of being told that I've already mastered the applications. I even took computer programming class and got an A for that and the last thing I want to hear is how to insert a cell in Excel! I didn't complain though, just assuming it as a revision :) I also kept my mouth shut when a mistype word in English had landed me an impression that I'm poor in that language! Haiyak.. I need to be patient, there'll be the time when I can shine again but right now I want to work hard and prove to myself and other people that I'm good. Maybe I have been in this comfort zone for too long until I forgot how to survive outside the zone. I have what it takes to be somebody who has great career with bright future lies ahead but the best is yet to come.. Time will show..

~ The Fat Me ~

The ability of writing / expressing my feeling (on my blog) has started to wear off from my brain.. I've been out from dis world for almost a year now and it's hard to start all over again. Considered dat I've finished my study and now working 8 hours a day, the idea of updating my blog from day to day has become less important on my priority list. For my own sake, in other words, to maintain the fluent of my second language, I'm gonna try to be blogging-active :) Hmm.. Let's start.. I'm quite worry about my body nowadays, I've been eating everything for the past several months and the result is not as good as what I feel when eating.. I'm considering to be on diet as soon as possible so I can shed the extra kilos (4 exactly!) in 2 months. I'm gonna attend my graduation day in September with a slimmer body.. Right now I'm doing some reading in order to choose the best way to diet, but importantly not using pills! Gonna start soon, hopefully my attempt will show good results, amen!

~ Damsel in Distress ~

Wow!! Suddenly I get this urge to write again.. Maybe I'm having too much going on in my head I need to let it go or maybe, I just really want to write.. It's weird because my stories are always the negative ones rather than positive or happy thoughts. I guess things that make me happy are getting fewer and fewer nowadays. I have my loved ones around me yet I'm lonely and I don't know why from day to day I'm feeling that I've become a worst person than I was before and it's not a good sign, isn't it?? I'm having problems with myself or to be exact, my inner self. Couples of years ago I found a scratch on my dad's notebook (I'm pretty sure he didn't want it to be found but I keep it silent until now) sounded "I'm lonely even though I have you and your mother.." Honestly I was pretty shocked at that time and I didn't understand why he felt that way but now I know because I'm in the same situation. I feel lonely and isolated even though I have my family and my boyfriend around me all the time.. I don't know what I want but sometime I feel like I'm hopeless and too depending on others (mmm, actually others mean my boyfriend). I don't have many friends, I mean I have some but few that I'm really connected with. I'm not picky it's just that I don't feel comfortable with someone whom I don't share anything in common. Does getting older make me feels like this?? I'm only 23 and it's considered young and healthy.. but why I've become a girl or should I say a woman or a lady succumb to her own evil inner thoughts?? I keep having thoughts that I will be left alone and feeling suspicious that my boyfriend is not in love with me anymore. I have thrown a lot of tantrums lately for no big reason.. Am I a drama queen?? erm, I prefer damsel in distress.. I want to be somebody else, somebody who has a lot of money, independent, has great career ahead, many friends and live life happily but I guess it's hard to be the exact somebody with all the characteristics..It's just impossible rite?!!!