~ ThE PaInTeD CaNvAs ~

The white canvas has been touched

It was painted with colors, mostly red & black

I really want it to be blank, plain & white

Untouched in it's original state..

Yet it has been unintentionally painted

I can't reverse it so I made changes

I painted the whole canvas with white oil

I thought I will feel better but it's not

Nobody wouldn't notice the differences

Yet I'm the one who holds the truth

There's nothing I can do except learning to accept it

After all, black and red are a nice combination..

Life without colors will not be called a life..

Aja.. Aja.. Fighting!!

~ 2 Separate Worlds ~

There's a lot of things going on in my mind 'n they made me feel dizzy. Do I feel sad? Yes.. Do I feel happy? Yes.. Which one I like the most? Both..

At some certain points in my life when things are always sunny, it is so bright dat I wish for some heavy rain to pour.. But when da days are too wet, I wanted so hard da sunlight to shine down on me again.. Weird huh?! I have my reasons..

When things are not on da rite way, I have the opportunities to scream, shout, weep, angry, kicking ass and being moody as hell 'n I don't need to even care about others.. It is da time for me to be lost 'n alone into my own world..

On da brighter day, I can be da other me.. Living life to da fullest, savoring every little taste of joy, laughing my heart out, 'n da best, being surrounded by the loved ones. It's priceless..

Yup, we should not live a life full with dark paths, neither we shud in a life full of gems.. A little bit of both, here 'n there will give us the perfect life.. Still, I don't want a perfect life, I just want to separate my world into 2.. for me.. 'n for my loved ones..

Complicated? Yes, I am..

~ Gud Ol' Days ~

I really miss da gud ol' days back in school.. Da days when I was so young anything seemed so easy.. Forget all da puppy loves, crushes 'n fights, life is just easier without any responsibility.. They were da days I cud do anything without giving so much tots over it but still enjoyed them so much.. Any mistake was considered a lesson, later, life went on as usual and the lesson learned.. But when I get older, it's getting harder to act basically on my instinct anymore 'coz it's too risky.. There are others' feeling dat need to be taken care of.. Mistakes will eventually set the loved ones away..

~ 4 iN ThE mOrNinG ~

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright..

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in it's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
And all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till 4 in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
And all I know is
You got to give me everything
And nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till 4 in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

Give you everything..
Give you all of me..

~ The Recap ~

It has been 1 1/2 months full with activities, events and stories. I think I better summarize them all in one entry rather than separate them by events. Here we go..

Firstly, I attended my own celebration of achievement: my convocation on 11th of September! After 4 years of hard work and fun, I managed to achieve a second class upper degree! Congrats to myself, yeay! It was a memorable moment that I won't forget forever (the downside: it costs me a lot of money to buy souvenirs, photo and etc!) I had the chance to meet all of my frens especially the gud ones (sha, zeti, deana, fiesha, sop, and many mores), I realized how much I missed them to be around me :( I also met PK by a slim chance - he was already in the car to set off and I managed to stop him and snapped a picture with him. Hehe.. we always ym (after we left uum) but never been friends before. I like him, he's nice and cute, even my bf agreed with the compliment.. (PK, jangan perasan sangat yer!).

A week later, I was outstationed in Penang for 4 days and I had fun too.. The hotel I stayed was right in front of Soho, but I'm not a clubbing person, so tak masuk la.. My nite activities with colleagues were shopping, hehe.. (girls will always be girls!) The traveling allowances that I'd get next month will cover the cost of my shopping spree, hopefully it will :P

Right after I came back from Penang I was tired, so I slept early and I forgot to call Zul on his birthday. He was the one who called me at 12.00 am asking me to wish and sing happy birthday to him.. Poor boy.. Sorry honey I didn't mean to forget your special day, I was just so tired.. And to make it worst, I was so busy for the couple of days later and I forgot to send any special sms @ friendster testi to properly wish him happy birthday.. Siannya kat Zul, seb baik dia tak merajuk.. I thought that was the worst thing I did to him but wait a minute, there's more.. Last week he came back to Kedah and he came to see me in SP. We berbuka with thai foods, sedapnya tomyam and sotong goreng tepung (our favorites!). Nak dijadikan cerita, lepas Zul dah hantar me balik and he went back to alor star, I did realize that I didn't give him any birthday card and I even FORGOT (again) to buy one!!! I called him and he said he was waiting the whole time if I would show some signs that I would hand him any card...Ooppss...I am a bad gf (only for this year!). Luckily a month before we had an agreement to exchange birthday presents in November. Kalo tak, ntah2 dengan birthday present pun lupa.. (gotta make a reminder to get the birthday present 2 weeks earlier)

I don't know what had happened to me and somehow I feel guilty towards him. So tomorrow I'm going out to buy a birthday card, hehe.. Dah almost 3 weeks past baru nak bagi card.. Kesian Zul.. I should buy the biggest card to undo my mistake (if only mistakes can be forgiven like this?!!)

Ok, that's what had happened during the past few weeks. I might skip some of the things which are not worth to tell.. I'm gonna make up to what I did to Zul. If I were him, I must be crazily mad.. Sorry honey..