I had an emotional breakdown last couple of weeks which led me to my biggest fear, low supply of milk. Hubby and I brought Ammar to a pediatric appointment to follow up his low iron condition cum monthly visit. Ammar is doing okay with his iron ntake but on the other hand the doctor was quite worried about Ammar's growth due to his almost static weight gain for the past several months plus his low appetite and being a picky eater. I told him Ammar is still a fully breastfed toddler but the doctor asked me back, "Are you sure your milk is enough for him? He is growing fast and surely it is not enough for him, I suggest you give him Pediasure and you won't be worried about what other nutrients that he needs. I give you some samples and you can try them!"
They were just simple sentences but I was holding back tears in front of the doctor. Yes I was taken aback by the statement, clearly he is not a pro breastfeeding pediatrician but what surprised me more was ME. To be honest, deep down inside I had to admit that I thought he was right. I have been having several episodes of seriously low supply of milk during the past several months especially after Ammar turned one and during my menses. Still, I could provide him enough with day-to-day fresh EBM even without being able to stock up my frozen EBM.
I was so down but after a long discussion with hubby we agreed to give Pediasure a try, 1-2 bottles during the day after he finish 3 bottles of EBM. On the next day, I left Ammar with only 3 bottles and hoped that he would try Pediasure later in the late afternoon. Surprisingly Ammar was doing fine with only 3 bottles of EBM and rejected Pediasure while I struggled to pump at office with no letdown reflex. I got a total 6 oz (usually I will bring back home 10-12oz) from my 3-4 pumping sessions and the problem continues for several days. There were times when I just got only drops of milk per session, the worst record in 19 months! This formula milk has been haunting me and led to pressure, hence, giving me trouble to express milk as usual. See? How milk production is really affected by mindset! Damn!
My mom tried giving Ammar Pediasure for several days but he completely rejected the milk (we tried Anmum too but to no avail) and because of that he starting to eat more. Bravo son! Cut the story short, we stopped trying and Ammar is now okay with 3 bottles of EBM. I notice his appetite is getting better, Alhamdullilah. In some sort of way I believe God answered my prayer to prolong this breastfeeding journey that I have been on. I don't want to put high hope but I aim to reach 20th month, if succeeded then continue to 21st month and so on and on until I successfully breasfeed him for 2 years. InsyaAllah..
Note to myself: I always equip myself with a lot of reading regarding breastfeeding yet I was so naive to be sucked into this 'breast milk is not enough' myth. I know a toddler's diet shouldn't be full on milk but majorly consist of solid food but I still think my breast milk is the reason Ammar is not gaining enough weight. I also know that a breastfed toddler's growth chart is totally different from a normal toddler who is formula fed, I know almost everything and I've read tonnes of articles before but sadly I panicked by just the simplest comments from someone who does not really support breastfeeding (something common that I should expect in this journey). I should have known better, trust my gut and trust my knowledge!
Note to others: Negative comments / statements clearly had shaken my confidence in breastfeeding. Speaking from me who is already breastfeeding for 19 months, I'm sure these negative comments can crush all hope and confidence in new mommies who wished to fully breastfeed their babies. So peeps, please equip yourselves with info as much as you can, knowledge can do wonder and will help you a lot! The least you can do is read all info from the lactation experts such as Pn. Suraya and Pn Farah. Good luck in your breastfeeding journey! For me, I know I have the best and the worst experiences so far but I still have 5 more months to go!
Footnote to those who doesn't know: EBM is expressed breast milk <-- susu perah la tu :)
