~ MeLaWaN KeSePiaN ~

On the same day after I had a bad dream (refer to previous entry), I heard a song by Dato' Siti. It was played on the radio while I was on my way to town with hubby. I never heard this song before but considered that I was still emotional and not fully recovered, I cried for the 2nd time on that day. Hubby was worried and urged me to stop thinking about the dream. Here's the lyric:

Apa pun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
Air mata tertahan
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan

Nanti kita kan tahu
Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apa pun ini
Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apapun
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...

Nanti kita kan tahu
Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apa pun ini
Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apapun
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apa pun
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan...
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...

Apa pun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti

~ A DeAd WiFe ~

I had this weird dream 2 weeks ago and it still haunts me somehow. You know how messy dreams might be but I could still remember this one with a vivid detail... It started with a scene where Haley and Nathan from One Tree Hill TV Series talking (I had no idea why they were in the dream...) and suddenly it changed to a scene by the lake.

I saw a man sitting on a rock staring blankly into the calm water from afar. He looked sad and lost in his own thoughts. He didn't even realize when I came near him, so I said hi. He responded by turning his head and then back again gazing into the glassy water. I asked him why he's sitting there all alone. He cried and said, "My wife is dead, I miss her so much but I'm only left with the memories of her. It's so hard living without her, wanting to see her again but I know it's impossible."

Without any respect for his feeling, I asked again whether he wanted to marry or maybe fall in love with someone new and he replied with a short answer, "It's not easy to forget her..."

I left and by keeping some distance, I watched him for quite some time. I could feel the sorrow and deep down inside I wished to know him better and help to ease his pain. Then, I woke up in tears...

Here comes the weird part. The man is actually my husband, Zul. He didn't recognize me and I myself saw him as someone that I didn't know in the dream. I was in the dream but the talking and seeing were through somebody's else body. Although people says dreams are just "mainan tidur" but still I can't help myself to stop thinking and replaying it in my mind over and over again. Does it mean that I die? Does the girl talking to Zul is someone new who will replace me?! It was traumatic to see his face crying over my death and that was the worst part of all...

Despite of a bad dream, it made me realize to always think about death... Kita didatangkan dari Allah dan kepada Dia juga kita dikembalikan. So we need to cherish and spend time with our loved ones as much as we can because tomorrow is not a promise.

May Allah bless both of us and our loved ones with healthy long life. Amin.