~ The 'No' and The 'Yes' ~

What happen when the 'No' is actually means 'Yes'?! Does it called being dishonest? Does it give impact on our life? Does it matter?

If u asked me a few months ago, I'd probably say it is indeed being dishonest, in fact it really matters and will give impact on our life.. Nowadays, my perception has changed a little bit. I'd say it does not matter anymore. People always say things which are not truly from their hearts. They tend to say things depend on situations which sometimes are good and on the other hands it might lead to something bad. We can't blame these people or even ourselves since every one of us has our own reasons to do that. If we needed a clarification for everything we do or other people do to us, it will be an endless story.

The important part is whether the truth should be accepted or not. If we knew the truth without even need to hear a 'Yes' or 'No' for an answer, just don't bother for clarifications why the 'No' is actually 'Yes' or why the 'Yes' means 'No'.. You see, truths will always be truths, a statement wouldn't change them.

For my scenario, I got a 'No' for an answer which is supposed to be 'Yes'. But since I already figured out the truth, I decided to accept it because it does not matter anymore and it won't affect my life in future. Who cares when the 'No' is actually means 'Yes' since it's merely a statement.. The answer is with you..

~ The Good and The Bad ~

I believe I'm better since da last emo entry.. It's been months now and no more emo, no more sadness, no more heart feeling.. Since I've made up my decision to take all those steps, now I'm finally at ease.. I shud haf started dat earlier, stupid me!

Life is gud.. I'm counting da days till my wedding in May.. But to be honest I'm quite scared and sad.. Scared dat I'm not really ready to be a wife and sad to be living away from my parents soon enuff.. I noe I shudn't feel dat way bcoz I'll be only 45-minutes-away from them.. But still it'll be hard for me to live without them being around 24/7.. Being da only child has made me attached to them since I was young.. They're da reason I'm staying in my hometown.. I rather forget all the fun living in big cities bcoz being wif them already made me happy..

There's only one thing which is not gud in my life rite now, it's my job.. Actually da job is OK but I cudn't stand da politics and da bad 'aura' going around in my workplace.. I planned to stay for at least 3 years to get my professional qualification but at dis moment I cudn't see myself working here for another 6 months.. Huaarrrggggggggghhhh!! I hate it.. I'm totally stressed wif da workload and da negative aura sorrounding me.. I'm still confused wif what shud I do rite now.. May God give me da answers.. Amin..

~ Freedom ~

I've been emotionally unstable 4da past 5 months.. Kejap ok, kejap tak ok.. At one point I can forget but on da other it seems like I can't.. It was such a big blow 4me but yeah, I'm learning to accept it even tho it'll take some times. Da past is da past, let bygones be bygones.. I dun wanna stuck like dis 4ever, there's so much more to come. I better embrace what I haf and move on like nothing happened.. Future is more important compared to da past..

Ur head says dat u are absolutely recovered but ur heart may say no.. Da scar is still there, there's nothing can be done and no one to be blamed to.. I'm da one who has da power to stop it.. So I've decided enuf is enuf.. I've got the eliminate everything dats makes me annoyed / sad / angry / etc..

1st step, by setting my profile to private. I dun want any unwanted person dropping by and grab da oppurtunity to use it by scrutinizing every little thing I do.. It's so annoying, really.. I never haf an intention to show off when I upload any pic on my frenster, it's just 4fun and 4myself.. Never mind if I just go holidays around da neighbourhood or even abroad, but hey dis is my page.. As long I'm happy and never disturb others then what's wif da bitching?! I dun haf so much money 2go travel around malaysia, anything dat makes me happy I'll go 4 it..

I haf my mistakes too.. Starting from now on, I will never wander 2places I shudn't be.. By doing dat it'll hurt me more, knowing people bitching and talk bad things about me.. Connecting to da related people who got me into dis mess wudn't do any better.. For my own good, I made promises to myself & to him dat I'll help myself to fully recover.. for a better me.. I believe I can make it :)

~ I'm Lost ~

At 1st everything was so gud. Da eagerness was still there, da fresh feeling lingered in every moment of it. It was da new world to be explored, learned and experienced. I always stay calm and faced every obstacles wif patience, head held high. I remembered feeling on da top of da world when hard efforts being recognised and made me wanna do better. Being positive really did help me a lot.. Nowadays, all da glory and gud feeling is no more wif me. My ducks in a row haf been scattered along da way and I'm lost. Lost of hope, lost of confidence, lost of positive thinking and worse, lost of focus..

My so-called perfect plan is not really workin' bcoz I can't see myself in future being someone dat I planned to be. Does 24 is too early or am I too late to change my future? It's good to see people around me started to get their pieces fit together but in da same time I'm so frustrated bcoz mine were still looping here and there. What to do? Fate is in God's hand but it is up to da person to change it for a better. Da question is, do I need to change da path dat I'm currently taking? Or shud I be patient and stay for a bit longer?! I'm so lost..

~ I'm Lost ~

At 1st everything was so gud. Da eagerness was still there, da fresh feeling lingered in every moment of it. It was da new world to be explored, learned and experienced. I always stay calm and faced every obstacles wif patience, head held high. I remembered feeling on da top of da world when hard efforts being recognised and made me wanna do better. Being positive really did help me a lot.. Nowadays, all da glory and gud feeling is no more wif me. My ducks in a row haf been scattered along da way and I'm lost. Lost of hope, lost of confidence, lost of positive thinking and worse, lost of focus..

My so-called perfect plan is not really workin' bcoz I can't see myself in future being someone dat I planned to be. Does 24 is too early or am I too late to change my future? It's good to see people around me started to get their pieces fit together but in da same time I'm so frustrated bcoz mine were still looping here and there. What to do? Fate is in God's hand but it is up to da person to change it for a better. Da question is, do I need to change da path dat I'm currently taking? Or shud I be patient and stay for a bit longer?! I'm so lost..